how to ask out a female cashier

Ive never worked in retail and dont really have the personality where I would feel comfortable asking somebody out first, but I really like these stories! If she does, give her your number and leave, if she doesn't just leave and act like nothing happened, you don' want her to look at you like a creep or something. The way she did it was to grab another waitress and say hey, Id like to give my number to our waiter. I worked in restaurants for years and later on in customer service and sales. How to reinitiate conversations online with stranger taking long to answer my mail. Talk about power dynamics. I date women. Im a male, nearly 30, and I have been going back and forth for weeks about somehow asking out this cashier at a grocery store I frequent. a silly or gross pickup line, or outright propositioning) and a simple asking out (e.g. Bookstore or coffee shop or any number of other public places in which neither of them is at work doing his or her job at the time of the encounter. Unfortunately theres always the potential that someone could turn into a stalker. Write your number on a piece of paper, have it ready when you go to the store. I wonder if anyone has ever gathered real data on this? Your interaction with the cashier is constrained by work rules (she has to be nice to you) and also social norms. and it becomes incredibly annoying and frustrating. At one library where I worked, we were actually told to stop wearing our nametags because there was so much of this. Please dont. Or even worse if I read the signs wrong and she rejects me? I guess the sexy librarian thing does not help in that respect either :(((. Its like when people say that women who are catcalled should feel flattered and that theyd personally feel soooo flattered if they had strangers harassing them on the street. Since there's a lineup it may be easiest if you have your number written on a piece of paper to leave it with her. And if you did look very good, you wouldn't ask this question, so I'll make the assumption. Though after doing some work in an environment where the employees were supposed to be *extremely* friendly I realized you have to adjust your signals to the environment or it gets real awkward. How do I casually ask her out for a drink or something without putting everything on the spot? The whole youre great, I want to get to know you, total stranger I buy my latte from is understood by 98% of the population as I want to date you, which is, to 98% of the population, implying sexual interest at some point (and the asexuals I know make it upfront that theyre NOT after a sexual thing). And its fine to say Cool, could I bring my friend Xanthippe? and then do so, check the address and person out beforehand, and bail at any time. (Helpful hint: if hell only text and wont talk on the phone, that is often a sign that he has an SO of some kind). I think Aaron indicated clearly that being flattered is tied specifically to an appropriate non-creepy invitation; he didnt suggest that any type of behavior is flattering as long as theres romantic interest. We started small-talking (weather etc.) We dated for close to a year, and when it ended, it did not end well. Or she might clue you in on to where she might be outside of work. Im in the minority too. Thats exactly how Id do it. My friend Ilene always talked to the cheese manager at her grocery store. But I will also say I met one really great boyfriend while working. One thing you could do, since you go often to that store, is: start building a basic "relationship" with the cashier. Cheesy romance story. That would be some might serious dating phobia to have that reaction from a casual reach out, hed be quite the outlier with that level of panic. (gives performance flyer). Don't make it awkward. Asking her 10 times more won't bring a better result. Contact the financial institution that the cashiers check was issued from to find out if its valid. That person is required be there and is required to be attentive/kind to you and to every other customer. In all seriousness, young and youngish women in customer-service jobs are frequently dealing with a more-0r-less daily barrage of men who interpret smiled at me and was polite as wants me, and it can be exhausting and, yes, scary, since a significant fraction of men dont take a polite no thanks well. See thats how it should be and how it generally happens in my world, but Im getting the impression that these days theres a lot more creepy people out there and like I said earlier thats just sad that our world has gotten to the point where people assume the worse first and not the other way around. I think as long as its very very casual (coffee date, maybe a museum) and said with a cheerful smile (and maybe a no pressure, I dont want to put you on the spot thrown in there) theres no real harm. >:(. My dear Internet god, those posters on Craigslist are pathetic. We were students and had a few regulars known to follow us around the stacks while were working (one would mutter under his breath the whole time, we thought it mightve been poetry ugh). Having been on the receiving end, I can tell you I've always found it awkward and uncomfortable when someone has asked me out as opposed to leaving a note for me to choose to respond or not respond privately. Hitting on people who depend on you for tips is low. They would try to dazzle me with charm, I would kindly redirect them to dazzle me with good work. We looked into each others' eyes for about two weeks. Is there a generic term for these trajectories? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Maybe you don't need her number and she can just show up at a place and time. She declined, and he drove by her as she was walking to the bus stop and rolled down his window and asked her again if she wanted a ride. And I love cheese but dont have any from Spain. In an ideal world, a polite request for a date wouldnt be totally inappropriate. I was actually a little traumatized by Alisons advice (although I do really appreciate that she replied and has provided a forum for others to respond) and the first couple of comments (this was much earlier today-I was shocked to see all of the responses that are here now and have just started going through them), so I stopped by a female friends shop today to ask her advice. You dont know this person, they dont know you! do I need to wear nylons to a job interview or are bare legs OK? Boy do I have horror stories. It did not go well. When asking out a cashier, one should be aware that there is always a chance of rejection. Wrong. At all the boring customer service jobs Ive ever had, my co-workers and I flirted recreationally with customers and each other. Hardly altruism; that works in mens' favor too. She called, and shortly after she was on my couch. Well FWIW, I backed off immediately. I would strongly advise you do neither of these things. Shes always at the checkout and never doing stuff like sorting products or cleaning the floor where I could actually ask her out. (Only bc in my case they were thankfully never true creepers). But I dont think that means that they shouldnt do it. Sure. My SO is a manager of a retail store and gets attention from customers (both male and female) on a regular basis. She has an easy escape: "Back to work, bye". With the acknowledgment that some people may say NOT to ask a cashier out at her work, can I get some ideas from you all assuming that I AM going to ask her out. +1000. Why did DOS-based Windows require HIMEM.SYS to boot? There's a strong bias against guys bothering random girls in shops with requests for dates (speaking from experience). Usually I prefer directness but this might get awkward if you go there often plus retail employees get hit on a lot. If you run into him somewhere else, that would be fine, though if you got the signals that it would be welcome. He gave me his number and I called him to make plans. Thanks for the advice and encouragement Erin! Hopefully she will respond. She'll now believe I go there just to see her and while you can't be judged in court for this, she will think it's creepy, she'll then tell her co-workers and they'll start to subtly take a pick on you. The customer could respond in a perfectly reasonable manner after being turned down, but the employee will still be extremely nervous about the exchange. Make an effort to get to know your crush in a non-work context before asking him out. Unless hes specifically told you about these things, you dont know whats going on in the background for him, and what it might raise. Its be a nice pick me up for the day. I see what youre getting at, but my experience in retail and food service was that everybody doing the latter still thinks theyre doing the former.. Dont drop compliments and hit on her, asking how her day is If you like cheese fries maybe you should stop by, Oh, I didnt even think about the maybe you should stop by, and thats great. I agree with everything you said. Maybe mention a place nearby that you frequent, like the coffe shop you visit before work or your gym or the bar you sometimes have happy hour with coworkers at. I know I have a weirdly strong opinion on this, but no. I was in my 20s and it was my last day at my summer job, so I wouldnt have seen him again, at least not for an entire school year, provided hed still be doing retail the following year. She has never worked a customer service job before so I guess the implications didnt occur to her? Mention some public event coming up in the upcoming week that you are planning to attend, such as a concert, puppet show, debate, whatever. ", Although, if i were you, i would have used that line (but that's me). He was never angry or aggressive when we were together, just smothering and overstepping his boundaries. Need help with your relationship? You need to determine if hes being friendly because its his job, because hes naturally flirty, or because hes actually interested in you. Im sick of this and I dont have to take it! One reason why you hear more and more complaints from women in retail is precisely because they are empowered, not because, as you seem to be implying, that we are all a bunch of fragile, frigid, special snowflakes who want to criminalize all interactions between men and women. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. I cant figure out a way to work cheese into this at all though, unfortunately :) I know what you mean about the manager thing: hes older and its one of those places where managers are expected to do everything that their employees do so I dont know if he is or not. _ism_ OP here, I know where youre coming from. So now that Ive rambled, I just hope the OP really considers this persons demeanor before putting him in a potentially awkward situation. I worked retail all through college and I never really had anyone ask me out (apparently Im the exception based on these comments?) Another good thought in that direction is include them in a party inviteHey, Im having some people over on Saturdaycome on by.. Girl has a boyfriend but says shes in love with both of us! I don't want to creep her out or make her uncomfortable, but I don't see her anywhere else to ask her. Ubuntu won't accept my choice of password. And youre right. THAT IS NOT ME FLIRTING OR LEADING YOU ON, THAT IS ME DOING MY JOB. Love the cheese fries line. ), This comment made me chuckle a little because I know that my husband (were he available) would never, ever pick up on this type of hint. Let them know why they caught your eye and why spending time together would be fun. Except this is not a conversation about whether its ever OK for a man to approach a woman confidently and in a not-creepy or inappropriate way*; its a conversation about a specific situation, namely making romantic overtures to somebody whose job and paycheck require them to be pleasant to you. I tried to give it an international flavor (ie, here it's generally OK to make smalltalk or jokes if time allows, but that's not the same as asking her out). The employee being hit on? We ended up going separate ways in life, but he was a total gentleman and excellent +1 while it did last, and I still hold him in high regard years later. You don't want to be banned for harassing employees who didn't want to date you. You can round file it if you like but Ill do as I please. At restaurants this happened a lot and I was never offended and it was only slightly awkward for a moment and a simple I have a boyfriend always worked as a no whether I had one or not. Is "I didn't think it was serious" usually a good defence against "duty to rescue"? OP, are you sure neither of these things area happening here? For me, once was an uncomfortable first date, once was a few dates, no more, once was an amazing relationship and one turned into a stalker. Thats how its been done forfreakingever. Obviously you dont want to be creepily waiting for him by his car or something, but it could give you a chance to ask him out while hes off the clock. Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures, I own a game store with a terrible manager who I'm afraid to fire. My brother-in-law met the woman hes about to propose to when he was an employee at a grocery store and she was a customer. Across the Country. Also, I think waitressing positions in particularor any positions where tipping is involvedare especially good examples of this. now, the girl will laugh or will give an angry eye, depends on how you convey the tone. With this knowledge in mind, she's common-senseley (making up words!) Don't ask someone out while they are at work. Acknowledge their feelings and thank them for being honest with you. That would be fun. You can try going to the supermarket at different times, e.g. I thought he was over 25ish, he though I was under 25ish. Dont put him on the spot by forcing him to balance customer service with a romantic overture its unfair to him. One of the firemen involved found one of my coworkers to be attractive. Sometimes the entire queue could stop and simply have a collective chat with the shopkeeper about some random thing, such as the weather, and such spontaneous conversations take place frequently. She gets a free meal outta this deal so no girl in there right mind would turn you down unless you have come off as a creeper in the past, or she has a boyfriend. Anyway, Ive taken to wearing a gold band on my ring finger to discourage that behavior, but men dont seem to notice. If hes staring at the OP its more likely because he thinks the OP is a potential shoplifter than because hes romantically interested. If "no" seems like it would damage, hurt or invalidate you, get to healthcare and work that out. Im assuming that some places have policies about this sort of thing but have no idea about the policies at this store. Answers always gonna be no if you dont ask. Versus waitstaff who are being grossly hit on by customers know if they go stop talking to me like that, they just cost themselves the tip. I suspect answers can be highly different depending on the cultural context. For instance - southern Europe here - to me it's perfectly acceptable Seemed like a good method to me. tru dat mirth!!.. No luck again today =( maybe its because I'm actually looking for her as opposed to noticing her when she around.if that makes sense. Toastmasters chapter. I may or may not have drunk texted him after that and needless to say, we never ended up dating. Even if she's busy on Thursday, or does not share your interest in this type of event it's a first step. You can engage in small talk then, without a long queue forming behind you. Again, only partake this if it genuinely is by chance. I came here to say exactly what fposte said. Certainly, it can be that way, but to me, Id take being asked out as a form of flattery, even if I wasnt interested. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. (Not that youre Lisa, OP, just that its a humorous musical way of showing how two folks interpreted the same interaction!). This is not a hook up sub He may be a manager. Describe the importance of honesty and integrity, especially when dealing with cash and cards. It was my first job ever, I worked part time for a store that primarily sold video games and video game accessories. I generally agree that it is usually best not to ask people out at work. Ill text you! and then not do it. I know you get tips at chipotle, but thats a bonus thats split by everyone in the restaurant, not the source of your income. Youre not leaping from someone making your latte to a dinner date, AND youre not forcing them to respond right away, you know, when theyre working. Attraction is not the result of a negotiation. Webit takes some time and money to do this.. first come in the shop often (you probably had that part so you can skip that if you like) so she will notice you but yeah.. if she isn't looking at I am an adult who has a crush on someone (also an adult) who works in retail. And above all, don't pressure her. man its hard to talk to girls without being a creeper ! Additionally, it can be helpful to practice what you want to say beforehand. If she perks up and looks interested, you can respond with something like. Are there any canonical examples of the Prime Directive being broken that aren't shown on screen? Its her job to make connections with her customers and, you know, be nice. When I worked in retail, I probably would have been flattered if someone hit on me but I was a teen boy. One time when he wasnt there I said to his coworker, Hey, is the cute guy working today? She told him I had asked about him, and the next time I went in he gave me his number. I live in Denmark just north of Germany so it's not completely unfeasible that there are some similarities. We were having a polite conversation about video games, he left the store, and then came back from his car to give me his number in case we wanted to continue the conversation. Seriously, how do you ask out a cute cashier (F) without being "that guy"? Hes rung me up (cash register, not phone) multiple times and weve done the usual chitchat, and when Im at his store he very obviously stares at me and often pops up in the areas that Im shopping in. It seems pointless to overthink when the answer is either yes or no. We made plans to go to a local haunted house together in a couple of weeks, but a conversation in the meantime put the brakes on that. But, try becoming friends outside of work first. I know you will, though, I believe questions related to love on this site are mostly looking for that one answer of "do what your heart tells you", but seriously - your best bet, really is to establish rapport in another way. Shed been going to the coffee shop for several months, and he was really friendly every time they talked, complimenting her on safe topics like her manicure, etc. Thats a lot different from walking into a store and asking someone whos rung you up at the cash register three or four times to go to dinner with you. Or if you buy a bottle of wine, you can ask her about it. http://www.bodyforwife.com/she-doesnt-owe-you-shit/. Look the cashier in the eyes when talking and stand up straight as you chat. I dont feel shes in love with me anymore even when she says shes still does My girlfriend says she we need a break? If you buy e.g. I generally agree that it is usually best not to ask people out at work. However, it has happened from time-to-time. Having been on the receiving But this isnt two people meeting in public. Its public for the customer but a workplace for the employee. Give her an easy way out. everyone involved was confident that if she had declined, that would be the end of it. Could, please, the downvoters explain why they do so ? But see how youve mentally filed this under social interactions? Video games. Lets have coffee when you get off work seems to be the go-to line. If she can't fit dating into her schedule or budget, if family or social or work issues prevent her (can she date customers?) Offer to leave your number or contact details so that they can reach out if interested. Id like to find out what hes thinking, but its kind of awkward since since hes at work. You have some power (even implied power) over a cashier with your ability to complain and get them reprimanded, or even because she'll be forced to be nice to you during her shifts even after rejecting you should it come to that. I declined. 4 Remember customers' preferences. listen to him, and definitely good to go for a free mean with a guy that's not a creeper!! Were not talking about sexual harassment, for heavens sake, its coffee (or actually, better causal ideas downstream). Sheez. OMG yes. Secretarial positions suck for this, too for what Im sure are the same reasons. OP: I think most people can tell when there is some genuine interest going on. I hope you have the common sense to not stalk her, to find out where she lives or what she does in her free time just to find a loophole and ask her there. WebHow To Ask A Cashier Out? Thats why the OP should say it cheerfully, quietly, quickly, hand the card over and exit. I also made sure none of his co-workers or any customers were nearby. when Im meeting someone new. You can guess empowered is too, but there's a third: ability. They are paid to be nice and helpful and to show up where youre shopping if they think you might need help. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. For more information, please see our Thats a great idea. And as others have mentioned, it's very easy to misinterpret her general customer service skill as "signals" of something else which she didn't intend. The last time I was in, I said it was weird we didnt know each others names by now, so I told her mine and got hers and the other cashiers she was talking to. This is while there were a line of people waiting for my attention. I liked the slip him your number idea that way youre not publicly making it awkward for him, and youre putting the ball in his court. Meaning; talking to her each time you go shopping, exchanging some humor and eventually get to know her name. interviewing with a service dog in my lap, boss thinks Im a stonerbecauseI called out on 4/20, and more, I desperately need breaks between my back-to-back meetings, I manage a gay employee and our company is homophobic, a coworker told me I talk too much, Im still ruminating over a job I didnt take, and more, should I invite my team to my home for dinner, will my company expect me to work with my ex, and more, after I hired someone, a mutual friend told me Id made a huge mistake. I once stayed at a youth hostel, the day after I checked out I ran into one of their employees on a bus, 200 km from the hostel. I would hate to tell you not to try, though. If she doesn't drive a conversation on her own initiative then stand down and shrug it off. How To Get Resin Conan Exiles? bulding up your anxiety is all.. .. have you asked anyone there casually where that one girl is, and what's her name?? Is he single? The waitress said he was single and that hed love to get a number so we left her number with her credit car receipt. Could be Im old-fashioned, but I think asking somebody out can be different than hitting on somebody. Met a girl, we liked each other but now shes ignoring me and i want her back. If the cashier does not feel the same way, it is best to respect their wishes and move on. If you're awkward around women, and the cashier is the only girl talking to you in your whooooole entire life, then try shopping in another supermarket. In my case, it was simple. Im not going to say to absolutely not do it, but I recommend asking him out somewhere other than his job if you see him elsewhere. *Actually, I was a lifeguard in another life. Its a place of business, not a singles bar. The power differential is still theredepending on store management, the customer still may have the power to get this person yelled at/firedbut its a lot less so. So no matter how nice you think you are, you could reasonably make a flirtee feel uncomfortable and trapped into responding to you. In this case, the crush could have ignored it. There is some amazing advice here, from so many perspectives. I find the other answers very unusual, which illustrates there must be some kind of cultural difference at play. Where I grew up (the UK) it is com Probably about a 95% chance she either is already partnered or not looking, for some good reasons you can't override. My older sister took a bank teller job when I was in my early teens and I recall her complaining of guys hitting on her simply because she was pleasant in manner and appearance. Youre not. should I even consider interviewing somewhere else if Im happy with my job. No one wants to be a creeper. My hope for the human race has just fallen by another notch. I wouldnt have even thought twice about it it honestly never would have occurred to me that it might cause issues for the employee, or that this was a common issue for retail employees to deal with! How does this answer the OP's question about how to ask a cashier out for a date? Manage Settings Being friendly is literally part of their job description. Later, on hearing about it, my nasty coworker who was a demoted ex-manager told me that I shouldnt have been rude to a customer. So I can definitely imagine a manager who would expect someone in a customer service position to say yes to keep the customer. I understand the situation, and if you really want to know her and you think the signs look good, then I suggest go for it.

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